“We must teach your children independence, and they will never be a burden—to themselves or to others.”

Parenting is not about raising a son or a daughter; it is about raising a capable human being. Yet, in many families, boys and girls are still raised with different expectations. Girls, alongwith working hard to make a flourishing career are taught to manage household chores, while boys are given the freedom to focus only on their studies and careers. This imbalance does not just affect individual lives—it affects families, marriages, and society as a whole.

A son who never learns to cook, clean, or care for his own space grows up expecting his wife to do it all for him. Similarly  daughter who is never taught basic life skills because “house help will do it” becomes dependent on others for the simplest tasks. In both cases, they enter adulthood unprepared for life’s realities. When marriage happens, due to stereotype thought process especially in India,  these unrealistic expectations create stress, frustration, and often, broken relationships.

The way children are raised today is one of the major reasons why many marriages fail early. Women refuse to carry the entire weight of the household alone, and men, who were never taught to share responsibilities, struggle to adjust. On the other hand, if a girl is raised believing she never has to do any household work, she may also find it difficult to contribute effectively in a partnership.

The solution is simple but powerful—raise children, not based on gender, but based on life skills. Every child, whether a boy or a girl, should know how to cook, clean, do laundry, manage their own belongings, and handle responsibilities. And when they form a family, they should work as a team, not as individuals carrying separate burdens.

The goal of parenting is not to raise sons who become burdens on their wives or daughters who become burdens on their new families. The goal is to raise strong, independent individuals who thrive—both alone and together.

My younger son was born with a condition where his pigmentation and melanin production were quite slow. This gave him an appearance unlike that of a typical Indian child—he had blue eyes, golden hair, and an extremely fair, almost pinkish-white complexion. When he was a baby, it didn’t matter much what people said because he couldn’t understand. However, as he grew older, these comments started to affect him emotionally.

My elder son, who doesn’t share these features, also struggled. He often felt overshadowed and would sometimes cry for attention. This made me think deeply about how to help both my children embrace themselves for who they are.

I eventually found a simple yet effective way to explain it. I told my younger son that our bodies have a special “juice” that determines the color of our hair, eyes, and skin. Instead of using complex terms like melanin and pigmentation, this relatable analogy helped him understand his uniqueness.

Armed with this explanation, my son began confidently responding to comments about his looks, saying, “I like the way I am because of the juice in my body.” While people might not understand the concept of the juice, it gave him a sense of pride and clarity about his identity.

This journey taught me an important lesson: as parents, we need to instil self-love and acceptance in our children from an early age. When we embrace and celebrate them as they are, it empowers them to do the same. Loving and accepting oneself is far more important than seeking validation from others.

Parents must also be mindful of the words used around children, especially by guests or relatives who might casually make hurtful remarks. A polite but firm reminder to be considerate can go a long way.

My younger son, Kush, also has a lisp and sometimes pronounces “K” as “T,” so his name sounds like “Tush.” While some people find this cute, repeated teasing can be overwhelming for a child. To help him, I taught him to confidently spell out his name (K-U-S-H) when people mispronounce it or tease him. This small step gave him a sense of control and self-assurance.

Now, Kush handles such situations with grace. If someone goes too far, he calmly but firmly sets boundaries, making it clear that such behavior isn’t acceptable. Other times, he simply walks away, choosing to respond instead of reacting.

This approach has been a life lesson for my boys—they’ve learned that while people may say whatever they want, it’s up to us to decide how much we let it affect us.

This morning, my phone buzzed for the third time. It was Aanchal again.

Aanchal is one of my close friends, and she’s been struggling in her marriage for quite some time now. Her voice trembled as she described yet another argument with her husband, Rohit.

Their problem isn’t uncommon, yet it feels deeply personal: they both have drastically different approaches to parenting, shaped by their unique childhoods.

Aanchal grew up in a strict household, where rules and discipline overshadowed freedom. Because of this, she has vowed to raise her children with complete liberty, encouraging independence at every step.

Rohit, on the other hand, was raised by a narcissistic father who imposed his authority on everything. Unfortunately, this upbringing has left its mark on Rohit, and he unknowingly exhibits similar traits. He insists on being the ultimate authority, believing his perspective is the only “right” one.

As you can imagine, their opposing styles have created a tense and stressful environment at home. Their children, caught in the crossfire, are starting to bear the emotional toll of their parents’ constant disagreements.

Listening to Aanchal, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own parenting journey. As a mother of a teenage son, I’ve faced my fair share of challenges. I’ve always believed that parenting requires a fine balance of love, discipline, and open communication. Even though my son, Raghav, was born after eight long years of marriage and is the most precious part of my life, I’ve never let my love for him cloud my ability to set boundaries.

Children thrive on clarity and structure, but they also need to feel loved and heard. With Raghav, I’ve made it a point to build an environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and opinions openly. Whether it’s discussing his daily experiences at school or his aspirations for the future, our conversations are always honest and judgment-free. This openness didn’t happen overnight; it’s the result of years of consistent effort to build trust and mutual respect.

That’s why, when Aanchal called me today, I urged her not to give up on her marriage or her family. I suggested they consult professionals—a marriage counselor to help rebuild their relationship, and a parenting coach to guide them toward harmony in their parenting styles. Sometimes, an objective perspective can help couples see that their differences aren’t insurmountable, and that their shared love for their children can become a common ground for unity.

Parenting is never easy, but it’s not meant to be a lonely journey. Seeking guidance isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a step toward building the life you’ve always wanted for your family. If Aanchal and Rohit can take that first step, I believe they can rewrite their story—not just for themselves, but for their children.