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Santosh Bakhshi published in Blogs

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

A Topic Seldom discussed by Parents!

 

Back in my childhood, Dad worked from 10 am to midnight. Mom was the ‘YellBox’ and when yelling didn’t work, she was the Chhittar Champion Rani, always ranking 1st in society. But when even that failed to work. — “Papa ko aane do, Daant padegi tab seedha hoga”. was the Final Warning – An Indian Patent Disciplinary Sentence proudly used for years by Indian Mothers .

This was the Final Frontier in Discipline and then Dad walked into the scene. Dad just had a look that was accompanied by deafening silence. That look meant “Feel my power”! 

Is it the same today? is there a difference between Mother and Father Discipline? Should there be a difference and how does it account for? Researchers suggest that Father and Mother discipline do differ. This has been now noted and in an unpredictable way. The indication is that children are more immediately influenced by their mothers, but that as they grow older, their father’s disciplinary practices through the years are deeply correlated with their social behavior.

 “Father Effect” as it is called, a difficult topic to be discussed in most Indian Households. Having discussed this topic with many Dads I have been astonished to know that the Dads are awkward to discuss this, Yes, even the CEO DAD!

Physical contact, nurturing, reassurance – remains difficult or not expressed much.

As each day unfolds with more uncertainties for a family today, compared to the ‘Certainty chart’ of family routine and behavior being followed upto early 2000, The traditional father as the head of the home now does not carry the acceptance as it once did. Say Researches. Modern dads might yell or be distant, but that’s no longer accepted as a norm. Children today have a substantively different concept of what a father’s role is supposed to be.

For example, it has come to light after many kinds of research, over changing times and after analyzing different cultures, that, Mothers tend to discipline kids more because they care about their social relationship with their child. That’s why mothers are more likely to take misbehavior personally and in return of which, kids are primed to react more emotionally. Dads are diagonally different here, they tend to discipline because they want their children to grow up to do well in the world and not get denied opportunities. In other words, the impact of paternal discipline may show up later in life because that’s actually the intent.

Thus, Rejection from fathers today contributes to adolescent wariness in social situations in ways that other family relationships do not. Whether harsh and rejecting or empathetic and nurturing, the scientific consensus is that dad discipline does have a substantive impact which is Slow and reflected upon when the child grows up and is out there on her/his own.

This difference is very important to be understood by the Parents themselves.

Most of the misery for the child lies in the fact that each parent wants the other parent to discipline the child, as they do. A very close family member enlightened me on this aspect recently. She stated it beautifully,

“Ishan has me as a Mother, he is served food at the table and the dining time is set at 45 mins. Post which the Table is cleared.

 Ishan has his Father, who ensures Ishan finishes the meal and scrubs the utensils clean”.

Ishan respects both disciplines as the parents don’t fight about which is the correct discipline. Ishan has learned over time to ensure the meal is consumed within 45mins of being served and the utensils to be cleaned as well.

While the above example might not be the ideal common platform of discipline to be followed by all parents, it does give us an understanding that the parents need to first respect their individualities in how they discipline the child because for the child, Both Disciplines are essential!

Who kehte hain na.. 

माँ पानी है, रोज़ पौदे को सींचती है, तो पिता खाद है,पौदे को रखता आबाद है

We need both disciplines in life! 

Santosh Bakhshi

Life Coach. Parenting Coach. A learning Father

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Santosh Bakhshi published in Blogs

Digital Exposure & Experiencing Nature -The Balance Our Children Need

Digital Exposure & Experiencing Nature -The Balance our children need!

 

One of the perks of working as a parenting coach and counselor is being able to pull from your own experiences, both as a father and of course as a kid. This forces you to realize just how much has changed since your childhood. As a latchkey kid who thrived on fresh air, Extensive Playtime, and family dinners, I look at today’s generation of tech-savvy tots and wonder when — and, more importantly, how — this transformation occurred.

Today’s childhood is getting trapped in a world of gadgetry!

My first “owned” Gadget was at 21. A cellphone shared by my sister  and me, but operated by my Father because ‘you all are young to use it and hey it is expensive!

The most telling difference between my childhood and the present, however, is today’s lack of time. Time to explore, time to experiment, time to be a child – which means, most importantly, time to play.

Mr.COVID having added to it all!

The Kids of the big cities and now rapidly increasing in Towns as well are living in a ‘citified’ environment- lack of connection with Nature.

A child, any growing child needs stimulation-

The Gadgets, The screens, The schools and even the parents are however becoming Overwhelming rather than stimulating to a child’s sensory demands.

The Child may have all the consumption but is steadily being devoid of the Engagement.

We are teaching our children how to make a living, but not life!

We’ve been telling them how we have made our way to the moon and back, but have trouble letting them meet the new neighbor.

This boon of ‘Digital Fidgeting’ has taken away the ‘Friendly Neighbourhood’.

Quite a Paradox is it not!

So, is there a way back from this? Should we reconsider?

Should we BAN the Digital world from a child’s life?

As a Parenting Coach, I have counseled and seen many cases where extremes have failed!

The answer one feels is in Division of the day, week, month.

Slowly and steadily compartmentalize the mind of the child to understand that the week is going to be designed into 2 parts.

Balanced between Boons of Digital Exposure to The abundance of Nature.

Children nowadays have many more opportunities to literally see the world than we had. In our time, we could only read about different countries and their culture through books. Now, there is digital media to support that experience and of course, not to mention the opportunity to travel and experience first-hand. so why not have a balance.

When you introduce your little one to animals and their sounds on the television, ensure you take her/him to the zoo to see those animals in their natural habitat and hear those sounds real in the next 2 days. This makes 2 days of both offering them Digital Exposure and Experiencing Nature.

When your child watches an animal animation fiction on the Tele, that same week Arrange for a trip to an Animal Café for her/him to feel the warmth and compassion of the animals of different kinds.

The above examples will ensure that a child will consume the ways and means of an animal kingdom, species, and their ways via digital boon and then experience the engagement when they visit such places and feel their sensory demands being satisfied.

A perfect example of balance and harmony of

Look, Listen & feel.

This can be tried in all aspects of the child’s interest. Now the child will know and appreciate the difference between learning from digital media and being and feeling in the real environment. The child enjoys and appreciates the worth of both aspects.

Woh kehte hain na, “ बच्चों को ये सिखाना चाहिए कि कैसे सोचें , ना कि क्या सोचें।

To me, this will create an environment for the child to recognize the balance between Consumption and Engagement.

 

-Santosh Bakhshi

A Life Coach & A Learning Father!

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Aditi Malik published in Articles, Blogs

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

 

Kids crave for parents undivided attention. Gizmos, gadgets, devices all are an escape route for them when they are not given to do things they truly want to engage themselves with. Have we ever realized just as we have cravings children too crave for a lot of things? Cravings are not only associated with eating disorders or providing for a sweet tooth, there are emotional cravings too. These days the pace of life is so fast that it is easy to shrug off our children’s emotional and psychological needs. How about listening to those cravings of your child and addressing them one step at a time? While it may not be possible to settle all their needs and cravings in one go but as parents can we hear them out by paying close attention to what they truly desire from a parent? All that children need is an emotional connection with their parents or primary caregivers.

 

Here are 10 things that kids crave to do with their parents.

1. Mamma  – Tell me story or read to me

2. Play hide and seek with me.

3. Involve me in your work. Can i help you mamma?

4. Can you get me a surprise today?

5. Can you take me to the garden today?

6. Let’s do a bubble bath together ?

7. Can you put nail paint on me.

8. Come with me, stay with me all the time.

9. When are we meeting my friends ? (Since lockdown this is one of the most frequently asked question by my girls.)

10. Don’t go to the office today. I want to play with you.

 

Well some ‘asks’ are easy and fun while the others may not be easy to address on an everyday basis and that is okay. What is important is, to understand that kids do not need expensive objects or toys, all they require is undivided attention, unstructured playtime and a non judgmental approach from their parents. So, what do your children crave from you? Do give it a thought. Hear them out. It’s time to get reflective and give them what they truly desire from you even if it is in piece-meal.

 

Let’s try to invest time in our children because these will help you build beautiful memories as a family. If we are able to give them the desired attention, that in itself is playing a big role in settling their cravings. So, what are you thinking? Get set going and be a family that has fun rather than the one that’s always on the run.

 

I hope you found this blog useful. Do share your ideas and suggestions on how you think kid’s cravings can be addressed.

 

Happy Parenting!

Aditi Malik

Blogger, Podcaster and Parenting Coach.

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Vishakha published in Blogs

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

Living in the modern world, we all might have heard our peers’ discussing how emotional health is equally important as our physical health!

Well, it’s true. However, if you belong to Generation X or even if you are a Millennial, who is now a parent, you might relate to a lot of stuff discussed in this brief piece on mental health.

Remember the times when our hearts smiled more than our faces! Yes, I am referring to our childhood.

It was the time when innocence was the most prominent trait. Among our cousins and friends, there were occasional fights that lacked blame or ego.

A time when we used to play with toys that were not so electronic.

A time in life where the denial was mostly associated with “I won’t share my piece of cake or chocolate with anyone.”

A time so carefree… isn’t it?

While we grew up, every time somebody threw a No at us, most of us thought it’s such a blessing to grow up and live life on our terms. Little did we know of how much goes into living life on our own terms.

As we grew a little old and began experiencing the bits of life firsthand, we gradually enrolled ourselves for the rat race of making it big in life. Our spirits were then forced to carry the weight of performance and peer pressure.

Over time, these pressures and challenges lead to an understanding of the importance of emotional well being.

Would you like such a life for your child?

Definitely not! We all want our children to live a better life than ours and offer them the best possible support we can. Right?

Here, it’s crucial to note that just like physical health, emotional health is vital for the human body and soul.

Maintaining emotional wellbeing allows children and young adults to develop resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them and grow into well rounded, healthy adults.

Alarmingly, 70% of children and young adults experience a mental health problem such as depression, abuse, etc.

Most children grow up mentally healthy, but surveys suggest that many children and adolescents move towards depression and anxiety troubles. It has emerged to be a case because of the frequent changes in the way we live and how that affects a child’s experience growing up.

How can you maintain your Children’s mental health? 

1. Parental Help: Parents must have a warm, open relationship with their children. One essential job to be done is to pay full attention to your child and acknowledge their feelings. Reaching out and talking to them would help them avoid finding solace in harmful distractions like Smartphone’s, gaming, prohibited activities, etc.

2. Professional Help: A parental coach can assist and advise you to better understand your relationship with the child and provide you with the right tools to correct behavioural issues.

Let’s learn more about professional help.

Parent coaching sessions offer the progenitors with the tools required to handle nearly any situation in the family. The certified coaches are proficient in assisting moms and dads in creating a roadmap to:

● learn efficient ways to respond to scenarios instead of reacting abruptly

● imbibe ways to become patient and kind towards the child

● creating a calmer, happier, and more inviting environment for the child

● improve the overall relationship between parent and child

● learning effective ways to communicate with children of every age

● understanding the behavioural patterns and demands of children

We all are living in lifestyles that are busy and hectic. Reaching out for coaching helps solve prevalent issues and teaches parents the right way to deal with their child and avoid any arguing, whining, or bickering with them.

Each session provides techniques, tools, and strategies to handle specific family life issues. A coach avoids talking about the past and instead focuses all attention on now and the days ahead. With assistance, parents produce results by developing clear, concise steps to determine intentions, values, and goals for moving forward to a healthier family.

With every session, a parent can learn new techniques, strategies, or methods to handle specific family issues. A parent coach would always motivate you to focus on the future and avoid talking about the past. With the right assistance, you, as a parent, can witness fantastic results, leading to form a healthy and happy family.

While looking for your child’s mental health, below are some other aspects that can be worked upon are:

1) Maintaining good physical health, eating a balanced diet and following a regular exercise routine

2) Making them feel loved, trusted, understood, valued and safe

3) Making them learn and grab opportunities to succeed

4) Accepting who they are and recognizing what they are skilled at!

5) Since your child can test your nerves, attaining mindfulness will make you happier and let you manage anxiety, stress, and depression.

 

Author

Vishakha Goyal
Founder- LifeLitmus
IPA Expert, Parenting Coach, Access Bar Practitioner, Sound Healer

 

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Neetu J. Talwar published in Articles, Blogs

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

  1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
  2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilizing their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
  3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace. 
  4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels. 
  5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
  6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them.  Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day.  Encourage them to take plenty of water.
  7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that  exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
  8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward. Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
  9. Identifying warning signs, if any – Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
  10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.

So, stay calm! And if you can’t, fake it till you make it. Try to hold your stress inside and not to discuss with your child.

Hope these tips will help you and your child staying stress free in the days of examinations. These tips will not only help them coping with stress but will also form the right outlook for exams.

 

Author

Neetu J. Talwar

ESL Trainer and Parenting Coach from Deep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Divya Vats published in Blogs

A DAY IN THE LIFE

Journey Brought By Sanctity of Life

 

The thing is about the time when I got pregnant for the first time, like all women, I was also waiting for an anxious time. Meanwhile, I met my doctor in connection with the regular checkup. I do not know how she understood my heart as soon as she met me. She very kindly explained to me that when a delivery takes place, a mother is born along with the birth of a child.

She suggested me that I should be mentally and emotionally brave with the physical and emotion changes I was going to face while going through the physical recovery.

Little did I hear her. Because by this time, my mind had been occupied with overwhelming thoughts and emotions. I was worried thinking in a moment of time how a careless girl (which I more or less was) could be a good mother. Many questions were causing uproar in the mind, like,

“What kind of mom will I be?”, which had been something brushing around my brain all the while I carried a life in my womb, where I was about to introduce someone to the world, I knew I had to be the perfect introducer here. I was going to do what nature has chosen every woman to do; to create and nurture a new life. Which surely is a bliss.

But its very well said that God does not give you strength to get rid of all kinds of problems. God sure shows the way but doesn’t work in your favor as long as you do yourself a favor. In the moment of desperation, it feels like God has left you on your own at this point.

And something like that, happened to me as well.

Series of events went so drastic that shook me to my core. Outside the operation theater, nurses were looking for my husband for documental formalities, but, I did not have my husband at that time as he was traveling to visit me. Since its very well known that presence of the baby’s father calms the mother to be down, seeing the man she loved could lower some adrenaline.

There were no men with me at that time.

My brother who was and still is very supportive of me was at a distance of 1000 km from me and was getting restless talking on the phone.

My mother was helpless because she had to take care of me along with maintaining financial formalities of the hospital in a quite urgent manner. So she went to the ATM to withdraw money. I had my aunt with my mother, who was upset herself but was encouraging my mother, in every manner she could.

And I, lying in bed, trying to accept the coming time as a challenge.

I do not know, I got so much courage from inside me that I told the nurse that the document has to be signed by me. The nurse asked me many times that you will sign? And I said, “yes I will”.

Meanwhile, I talked to my brother and explained to him that he should not be disturbed, I was with the Doctor Controlling the situation. I assured him to not to worry.

And I said the same thing to my husband.

And then, I went to the operation theater. When I came back to my senses, when anesthesia had done its part, I heard that my aunt is talking to someone and saying that she showed great courage, something we had not expected from our childish child.

Now the real meaning of writing so much is that you can come out of any kind of challenge by staying positive.

This episode had prepared me for the years to come and now that I have become a mother, every day there is talk of giving a good upbringing to my children, I keep on learning for it every day, every day there are new challenges. And I learn something from all of them. To be a better mother to my children. I am preparing my children for every situation in every sphere of life.

It is going to be very long, but I must say it will  definitely because I am getting parenting techniques day by day that will make my journey a lot better. I may perform my duties as a parent the best I can.

 

Divya Vats

Parenting Coach/Mind Trainer / Career Strategist

Visit my website www.aacons.in

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Dr. Pradnya Pankaj Gurav published in Blogs

PARENTING BEYOND EXPECTATION

PARENTING BEYOND EXPECTATION

‘PARENTING MANTRAS FROM JIJAMATA-MOTHER OF SHIVAJI MAHARAJ AND MOTHER OF SWARAJYA’

 

What is parenting?  How does ‘nurture’ influence development of Child?

A greatest example of it is how ‘Jijamata’ brought up ‘Shivaji’ as the great warrior, inspiration for everyone even in today’s era. She herself was warrior, administrator and later mentor for her child.

It is said that- Why we don’t have ‘Shivaji’ again because still there is no ‘Jijau’ who can brought up the son like ‘Shivaji’. ‘Chatrapati Shivaji’ could not have been the same without her mother. Shivaji owes his greatness to the inspiration of his mother, who dedicated her life to upbringing him become greatest ruler.

What I understood is- Jijau must have been the only woman in the history who decided the purpose of her child’s life even before it was born.

While she was pregnant, every comfort be conferred upon her but she wished none of it. Rather she preferred to climb to the top of fort, wield swords, discuss political issues, put on amour and ride on horse …..It taught us that ‘GARBHA SANSKAR’ means not merely reading books but it is a process to imbibe all the positive psychological forces in fetus (‘Garbha’).

In Maharashtra, most of the women during pregnancy read about ‘Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaja’ because she wants her child to be like ‘Shivaji’ but she cannot decide what qualities of ‘Shivaji’ they want to be embedded in her child. Is it power / Strength?

No. there were many ruler that were more powerful than ‘Shivaji’, then what qualities that made Shivaji, the ‘Chatrapati Shivaji’ – blood pride for every Indian.

Below are the qualities that she imbibed in Bal-Shivaji…-

  • Jijau instilled within Shivaji sense of Duty, Courage and Fortitude (It is strength of mind that enables person to encounter danger or bear pain).
  • She embedded importance of Values and Dharma by telling him stories.
  • Pride and Respect– Shivaji fought for the pride of ‘Swarajya’. In his life, Shivaji maharaj never crossed the line between pride and ego. He was always down to earth, treating all peoples equally and respectfully. It’s all by seeing his mother doing so.
  • Foresight- Jijau taught him the strategies and to thought ahead of the time. Always to think about future impact of any decision and have solution ready in advance for the same.
  • She taught him ‘Art of Politics’ and prepared him to be an honest ruler.

 

Thanks to all the training from ‘Jijau’ that helped him to handle trickiest situation with ease.

Last but not least, she had major role in nurturing/ parenting his grandson ‘Sambhaji Maharaja’, the great warrior, Sanskrit Pandit and also author of several books.

The efforts of parenting taken by JIJAMATA helped to fulfill dream of ‘Swarajya’.

 

“Nurture a child, for betterment of Society and Nation”  ….the parenting lesson we can learn from her.

 

“Raje..I am willing to see you being sacrificed on battle field but I cannot afford to have a blemish that I gave birth to a son who had scarred and ready to take his own life out of fear.” -Maharani Jijamata [Sourse- Shriman Yogi]

 

 Author:

Dr. Pradnya Gurav [Consulting Homeopath and Parenting coach ..DEEP]

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Aniruddha Vinay Pathak published in Blogs

Parenting – An Art and Science of Patience

Parenting – An Art and Science of Patience

It was not easy for us to get into the role of a parent when we first thought of it. It took us huge amount of time and energy and effort to accept the very fact of being a parent. The lives were going to change, priorities were going to change, the scheduling of every small event and activity was going to change. In short, we were going to change. Coming to this thought of being a parent tested us and our patience for the first time. And we realized what we were asking from our life. 😉

Although the decision was made by us but destiny had something else in store for us. We tried what not; ayurveda, homeopathy, allopathy but we were not getting the results. Slowly at our subconscious level we had started accepting it as a fact that probably we won’t be that lucky, ever. It was a very tough time for us, I still remember sitting with my wife and discussing about the possibility of adopting a child also. Days, months and years passed, lives got back to where it was. Work, functions and get together, a hectic schedule were a part of our life. We had still almost made it final that we are going to get a child adopted then on the same day we got to know that we are the blessed one. We were going to have our baby. We were very excited, doctor’s appointment was fixed and we went in. Doctor took my wife for check-up and I was waiting outside with an ocean of thoughts in my mind and a broad smile on my face. After sometime I was called inside and we were asked multiple questions as work and life style, daily schedule and most importantly schedule of the previous months. Now the excitement was getting replaced by concern and it was probably visible on our faces. After taking all the necessary information we were told that the baby did not survive. It was 5th year since we were married and we were seriously planning for it for a very long time. But it did not happen. Wait was still on. We were being tested for our patience. And trust me, the test was not easy. My wife had to suffer from huge trauma after that, those sleepless nights and continuous weeping was making it even worse for her and for me too. Fortunately our parents understood and were supportive so it took less time for us to come out of it. Life moved on, so did we. Life came back to normal and again we had this thought of being a parent. Whole cycle got repeated but this time we were more cautious and careful for everything hence we took extra care at every step. It was 10th year of our marriage and we were blessed with a handsome young prince, who is now of 4years.

But, why I m sharing this with you? What made me think that this story needs to be shared? I m not sharing it because of its uniqueness. As it is not unique, although it is very special and close to me. But I’m sharing it because these 10years exposed me to various experiences and learning and encounters with people which helped me put a foundation of taking up parenting as a topic to study and understand it in detail. I have seen many fathers and to be fathers so much disconnected with the process of being a parent that they miss on the joy of it. I’m not a medical expert but I know that the ‘to be mother’ goes through lot of mood swings and she is not able to reconcile her actions or thoughts or even reactions. This is the time when the ‘to be father’ needs to be with her, strong and mature to handle her. It is not only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child but also of the father, equally, even before the child is born. We as parents or to be parents need to be extremely patient to handle this stressful situation and days of such stress. It’s not easy; it never was and never ever will be. But we have to accept it then only we can be a responsible father.

Once the child is born, responsibility and sharing increases. Many parents don’t realize the fact that the child is not saying anything in initial 2 years but is listening and observing everything that you do. And whatever we do around the child is shaping him for years to come. Hence patience is required a lot more than expected. Now a days it very concerning to see that people are expecting the child of 2 years or 3 years to behave with the maturity of 10 years. It is not possible and it’ll never be possible. Kids are going to be kids and we need to understand that. The sooner we realize this and act on it the easier it’ll be for all in the family. Handling tantrums and making them disciplined in itself is a challenging task and again patience is tested. We have to be extremely patient with the child. Imagine a small life is standing in front of you with huge questions in their mind. They are trying to decode the things and trying to put relations and combinations. And at the same time they want you to help them out. So instead of helping them if we shout at them or get irritated because of their questions, then are we not missing on the greatest pleasure of seeing a life bloom in front of our eyes? Understand their struggle; they are new to everything, even to you. And they are making their thoughts and beliefs observing you. Their condition is so fragile that they are not even having proper words to describe what they are feeling. And if we react to them with our head held high, the connect would never develop. And this is the reason many parents are missing the growing process of their kids and suddenly they realise that kids are all grown up and don’t have any emotional connection with them.

My overall experience with my kid and all the parents that I interact with, or observe or come across with, the major factor which can solve all these issues for all and which can realign these beautiful moments to be lived, is patience. We are today so much into our own work and life that we unknowingly ignore the most precious part of our life, our child. This is a bundle of joy which gives us an opportunity to look at our own self as a child through our own eyes. The small arms, when they wrap around your neck you feel blessed to be loved so much unconditionally. When the small twinkling eyes look at you with pride and affection and deep love, you feel being born again. When the small little hands hold your finger to take the first step of their life, it makes you feel your own journey of first steps again. The first word which addresses you makes you touch the sky. Their small talks, stories of their own fairy world, where they are the hero and you are the super hero for them, unfolds your own potential and capacity at times. All this and many more moments like these makes you a parent. But it all can be felt and lived if we apply patience as the key ingredient.

I would request all “parents and to be parents” to be patient with your child and see the magic. Pause before you react, breath before you act. It’ll not only teach your child to be patient but also will add value to your life and the moments it brings to you.

Happy Parenting!!

Keep Learning, Keep Growing

 

Aniruddha Pathak

Parenting & Career Coach    

 

 

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Swati Mahajan published in Blogs

HOW TO HELP WITH EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION IN CHILDREN

HOW TO HELP WITH EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION IN CHILDREN

 

If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve witnessed a tantrum or two in your day. We expect them in two-year-old, but if your child reaches school age and meltdowns and outbursts are still frequent, it may be a sign that they have difficulty with emotional self-regulation. And many older children, even if they’re beyond tantrums, they continue to struggle with impulsive and inappropriate behavior.

What is Self-regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation.

Problems with self-regulation manifest in different ways in different children. Some kids have a huge, strong reaction and there is no build-up. They can’t control that immediate behavior response. For other kids, distress seems to build up and they can only take it for so long. Eventually it leads to some sort of behavioral problems.

Why do some kids struggle with Self-regulation?

When parents give in to tantrums or work overtime to soothe their children when they get upset and act out, kids have a hard time developing self-regulation. In those situations, parents become their external self-regulators. If this pattern happens again & again, and a child is able to ‘outsource’ self-regulation, then that might develop as a habit.

How do we teach Self-regulation skills?

See acting out is essentially an ineffective response to a stimulus. We need to help the child slow down and more carefully choose an effective response instead of being impulsive. If we approach self-regulation skills in the same way we approach other skills and provide practice, rather than pointing bad behavior it changes the tone and content of the feedback we give it to our children. Rather than giving up, try paring down the activity so it is more doable, and slowly give your child more and more independence to handle it.

Pro-tip: Expecting perfection from ourselves may actually increase tension and negativity.
we should keep working on our own emotional muscles, accept ourself & our family for where we are in the process. It’s never too late to start!

Regards

Swati Mahajan

Parenting Coach

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Arti A published in Blogs

Moving from Digital to Development

Moving from Digital to Development

 

In today’s digital age, it is not very uncommon to find even toddlers using gadgets. Many parents try to please their children by giving them tablets and phones so that they are kept busy and entertained. But have you ever thought that a toddler needs more human interaction than with an AI?

A child’s early developing stage is until the age of 6. Hence, it is very essential that you do not let him or her be dependent on gadgets.

Do not forget that every child needs attention and gadgets are no substitution to it. Here are few things that you can do to help your child move from the digital to the development stage.

  • Get Real Games: 3D games are fun and attractive, but they also harm your child’s mental growth. So, instead of downloading a game on your tablet or phone, get your child a game appropriate for his or her age. Games which will help your child in learning and at the same time have fun with it.

 

  • Spend More Time with your Child: It is very important that you try to spend as much time as you can with your child. The more time spent with your child, the more disinterest your child will be with the gadgets.

 

  • Encourage Creativity: Every child at the toddler stage loves to draw (or should I say scribble). Encourage your child to be creative and let him or her draw or scribble. Appreciate your child for what he or she has created.

 

  • Get Them Involved: You may want to keep your child away from the household work, but the truth is by keeping your child involved during your household chores can help you interact with him or her better. It also makes it easy for them to learn quickly and easily.

 

Do not let gadgets hinder your child’s growth. Enjoy this stage with your child because time does not turn around.

 

Happy Parenting!!!

Arti A

Parenting Coach

 

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Neha Kapoor Anand published in Blogs

Motherhood isn’t all Giggles & Cuddles!

Motherhood isn’t all Giggles & Cuddles!

 

There…. I said it!

 

Yes, you have a tiny one to cuddle and play silly with all day, but motherhood is beyond that. While you bask in the endless baby talks and the sweet baby scent, you realize gradually that you are solely responsible for the well-being of this little one too. And just when you ‘think’ you have it all figured and sorted out, the challenges change.

The worst part is that there is no rule book to follow, no sage advice to guide you, and no precedence to look up to for a solution.

Is motherhood easy? Well, just yesterday morning, I was crying a bucketful of tears and only wanted to go somewhere far away. Somewhere where there’d be no one to calling out ‘Mumma’ every fraction of a second!

So, yes, motherhood is challenging! A few ways I cope, rather try to!

P.S: I’m almost always near the brim just about to sink in and yet managing to stay afloat!

 

  • Breathe! Yes. B……..r……..e………a……..t………h……….e…………..

 

  • Celebrate little moments. Your baby burped quickly? Dance a bit. Self-fed without much mess? Do a little gig. Pooped in the potty seat? Now that calls for a big celebration!!! Rejoice. Celebrate. Smile. Laugh.

 

  • Make yourself a hot cup of chocolate milk or coffee on the night your baby sleeps on time! Don’t worry; we mommies need more caffeine than that to drive away our sleep.

 

  • Focus, prioritize and leave what’s not humanly possible. Period. Let people think. Let them judge. You are doing your best and you need not prove it all the time. The laundry can wait and so can the endless cupboards that need dusting.

 

  • Delegate work. Hire help wherever possible. Gives you a little more time from the same 24 hours.

 

  • Look for support. Seek help. Online or offline…doesn’t matter. Meet old friends and make new ones. Though I can’t brag to have an awesome social life, so to say, I do have an extremely strong network of mothers who are my soul sisters now. Not a day can pass without their love and support!

 

  • Nurture a hobby or that long forgotten passion. Not that you’ll find the time to do it seriously enough, but a few moments away (mentally) do work. For me, it’s writing and reading.

 

  • Put on the music. It helps. It distracts. It changes the mood. And doesn’t obstruct your work either.

 

  • Shut your eyes for a few moments every few hours. Even 30 seconds help.

 

  • Most importantly, love yourself. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed, even if that just means putting on a pair of washed Pj’s and tee. Brush your hair. Put on some moisturizer or even some kohl or kajal. And give that beautiful woman in the mirror a good admiring look every day.

 

Be easy on yourself. Yes, you are a mommy. Not a superwoman. That’s another thing that your little one(s) see a cape and a halo around you!

 

Motherhood is beautiful and equally taxing and nerve-wrecking. Every morning, I brace myself  for yet another day. But then, I remind myself that the days may be long while the years are too short. And these little cuddly babies grow up just too soon.

 

Love them with all your being, but don’t lose yourself in the process 🙂

Neha Kapoor Anand

Parenting Coach

 

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Girish Panicker published in Blogs

Parenting Lessons from the Vienna General Hospital

Parenting Lessons from the Vienna General Hospital

 

The Vienna general hospital had two maternity wards, one handled by doctors and the other by midwives. In the mid-1800s, Dr. Ignaz Semmelweiz was heading the ward that was being handled by doctors. The surprising fact was that the mortality rate of mothers who were looked after by the doctors was 1 in 10 and the mortality rate of mothers looked after by midwives was 1 in 50. This was quite embarrassing for the doctors. They tried changing the bedsheets, cleaning the floors window curtains, but the mortality rate remained the same. They even laid down SOPs for both the wards so that there was uniformity in all respects. Even after all these measures, there was no change in the mortality rates.

The situation was so alarming that many women preferred to deliver on the streets than go to the ward looked after by the doctors for the fear of dying. Dr. Ignaz happened to visit another hospital and was away from Vienna general Hospital for few months and in these few months, the mortality rates of the women at the ward looked after by doctors also reduced to 1 in 50.

Dr. Ignaz after returning from his visit began to examine the reason for this and he found out that, since they were in a  research institute most of the doctors split their time between research on cadavers and treatment of live patients. After doing research, dissecting a cadaver they went on to treat live patients. The very doctors who were supposed to treat the patients were unknowingly carrying the germs that caused the patients to die. They had no idea of germs at that time. Dr. Ignaz found out that he spent far more time on research on cadavers and then directly attended to the pregnancies.

It was Dr. Ignaz after his discovery that he formulated the germ theory. It was after this discovery that all doctors were advised to wash their hands with chlorine and lime. It was a simple solution, but it solved a grave problem. The mortality of women treated by doctors dropped drastically to 1 in 100 after they started washing their hands with chlorine and lime.

 

What can we learn from this incident?

Just like the doctors were unknowingly responsible for the deaths of their patients, many times parents are unknowingly responsible for crushing the child’s dreams and making him/her follow dictates that they feel is right

It needs unconditional love to view children as completely different human beings with curiosity to experiment and discover life on their own.

Parents need to master active listening to understand the unsaid words, the unspoken language and not force a child to just listen to what they say and expect the child to follow without complaining.

It is understandable that all parents do what they do with the intention of giving the best to their children. However, just like the doctors of the Vienna general hospital, they unknowingly do more harm than good.

The focus needs to move from the external world to the inner world, then the entire approach will undergo a dramatic change. The solution may be very simple like washing the hands of the doctors, but the impact can be profound.

Parents need to step back just like Dr. Ignaz who went on a visit to another hospital, which prompted him to search for significant differences in approaches in the doctor’s ward and the midwife’s ward.

The changes could be as simple as choosing a different set of words that we use or just listening to the child without judgement or maybe expressing how you feel or just allowing him/her to take responsibility.

 

Yes! Everything starts with awareness of the situation and taking the appropriate action.

Girish Paniker

Parent Alchemist

 

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