Over the years, growing up as a child, I carried a belief that you are appreciated and praised in life only when you are successful. Award is given only to winners. Tough competitions and struggles divided my mindset into only two categories- winners and looser. Praise and acknowledgement is served only to the best. The rest land nowhere. Either there is disappointment and loss or there is an applause and award. This ended up to create my fighter ideology.
Unless I performed well, I was never satisfied. Love was unconditionally offered but praise had to be earned not just with efforts and hard work but getting brilliant an outstanding results. Appreciation was conditional. If I do well, I have reward. And if I do bad, I get nothing. The same traditional concept raised me into a college achiever.
My parents endless efforts and sacrifices added to my guilt if I under achieved. But my journey and struggles somewhere remained unnoticed. I was never criticized, punished or ignored. But had to level up to a commendable benchmark which when not achieved restricted my appreciation or celebration. High hopes set on me to walk the achievers platform only brought disappointments and low self-esteem. My college course and professors somewhere brought back the spirit of determination and achievement as the course I studied offered self-exploration and I realized that I had a long way to go. For the first time, I got remarks in my files such as:-āpainstaking efforts, praiseworthy thoughts, written with efforts and dedicationā instead of just good, very good, excellent or just a signature. For the first time I felt somebody appreciated my hard work and efforts. It greatly motivated me back to become progressive and successful in pursuing my career.
To meet social expectations and fulfill personal needs of recognition, like many kids I put myself through stifle pressure and tireless efforts.
Usually, in the long run children who handle such situations end up killing their spark by giving up on their dreams or exhaust themselves to prove their capacity. Either of which is unhealthy. I chose to over work and devote my energies solely into this race.
Grades, marks were of great value and to get into the best of institutions, one had to crack competitive exam. But somewhere I found relief amidst all this pressure by focusing on doing what I enjoyed. But my basic zest of achievement that was ingrained so deeply returned back when I got a child of my own. I never negated or criticized her but internally had expectations from her too. Soon to realize that I do not want her to go through the same thing. I was open to the view due to my exposure and learnings that I have to be her support. She will take her own time to reach her full potential and I will not pressurize her for those outstanding results. I clapped at her every step when she learnt to walk, talk, play and do her tasks but slowly with time when academic pressure came, I forgot to appreciate that her improper circles also need appreciation.
Ā The fact that the little things that are not perfect also deserve appreciation. Only then they grow better. Itās a basic human need.
In life also, we must have gratitude for every little thing. Power of appreciation gives encouragement, positivity and new hope in times of pain, frustration and anger and allows the person to constantly stay motivated when one has a lost sense of direction.
āIt is like a bridge to victory which we fail to acknowledgeā or āa rechargeable battery that repowers youā when everything is grey and cloudy.
It shifts our focus to see the good instead of just focusing upon the missing puzzle pieces thereby working more effectively in developing positive behavior and habits. A very positive environment is created and the child cannot get a better space than this to grow. We tend to overlook its advantages in the long run under the belief that it may spoil the child but it truly helps to shape the personality of the child to become progressive, more positive, resilient, more unstoppable and open to new experiences in life. So as rightly said āthere are things to say besides just good jobā and āpraise can transform a prison into a templeā.
-By Puneet Kaur
