Parenting – An Art and Science of Patience

It was not easy for us to get into the role of a parent when we first thought of it. It took us huge amount of time and energy and effort to accept the very fact of being a parent. The lives were going to change, priorities were going to change, the scheduling of every small event and activity was going to change. In short, we were going to change. Coming to this thought of being a parent tested us and our patience for the first time. And we realized what we were asking from our life. 😉

Although the decision was made by us but destiny had something else in store for us. We tried what not; ayurveda, homeopathy, allopathy but we were not getting the results. Slowly at our subconscious level we had started accepting it as a fact that probably we won’t be that lucky, ever. It was a very tough time for us, I still remember sitting with my wife and discussing about the possibility of adopting a child also. Days, months and years passed, lives got back to where it was. Work, functions and get together, a hectic schedule were a part of our life. We had still almost made it final that we are going to get a child adopted then on the same day we got to know that we are the blessed one. We were going to have our baby. We were very excited, doctor’s appointment was fixed and we went in. Doctor took my wife for check-up and I was waiting outside with an ocean of thoughts in my mind and a broad smile on my face. After sometime I was called inside and we were asked multiple questions as work and life style, daily schedule and most importantly schedule of the previous months. Now the excitement was getting replaced by concern and it was probably visible on our faces. After taking all the necessary information we were told that the baby did not survive. It was 5^th year since we were married and we were seriously planning for it for a very long time. But it did not happen. Wait was still on. We were being tested for our patience. And trust me, the test was not easy. My wife had to suffer from huge trauma after that, those sleepless nights and continuous weeping was making it even worse for her and for me too. Fortunately our parents understood and were supportive so it took less time for us to come out of it. Life moved on, so did we. Life came back to normal and again we had this thought of being a parent. Whole cycle got repeated but this time we were more cautious and careful for everything hence we took extra care at every step. It was 10^th year of our marriage and we were blessed with a handsome young prince, who is now of 4years.

But, why I m sharing this with you? What made me think that this story needs to be shared? I m not sharing it because of its uniqueness. As it is not unique, although it is very special and close to me. But I’m sharing it because these 10years exposed me to various experiences and learning and encounters with people which helped me put a foundation of taking up parenting as a topic to study and understand it in detail. I have seen many fathers and to be fathers so much disconnected with the process of being a parent that they miss on the joy of it. I’m not a medical expert but I know that the ‘to be mother’ goes through lot of mood swings and she is not able to reconcile her actions or thoughts or even reactions. This is the time when the ‘to be father’ needs to be with her, strong and mature to handle her. It is not only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child but also of the father, equally, even before the child is born. We as parents or to be parents need to be extremely patient to handle this stressful situation and days of such stress. It’s not easy; it never was and never ever will be. But we have to accept it then only we can be a responsible father.

Once the child is born, responsibility and sharing increases. Many parents don’t realize the fact that the child is not saying anything in initial 2 years but is listening and observing everything that you do. And whatever we do around the child is shaping him for years to come. Hence patience is required a lot more than expected. Now a days it very concerning to see that people are expecting the child of 2 years or 3 years to behave with the maturity of 10 years. It is not possible and it’ll never be possible. Kids are going to be kids and we need to understand that. The sooner we realize this and act on it the easier it’ll be for all in the family. Handling tantrums and making them disciplined in itself is a challenging task and again patience is tested. We have to be extremely patient with the child. Imagine a small life is standing in front of you with huge questions in their mind. They are trying to decode the things and trying to put relations and combinations. And at the same time they want you to help them out. So instead of helping them if we shout at them or get irritated because of their questions, then are we not missing on the greatest pleasure of seeing a life bloom in front of our eyes? Understand their struggle; they are new to everything, even to you. And they are making their thoughts and beliefs observing you. Their condition is so fragile that they are not even having proper words to describe what they are feeling. And if we react to them with our head held high, the connect would never develop. And this is the reason many parents are missing the growing process of their kids and suddenly they realise that kids are all grown up and don’t have any emotional connection with them.

My overall experience with my kid and all the parents that I interact with, or observe or come across with, the major factor which can solve all these issues for all and which can realign these beautiful moments to be lived, is patience. We are today so much into our own work and life that we unknowingly ignore the most precious part of our life, our child. This is a bundle of joy which gives us an opportunity to look at our own self as a child through our own eyes. The small arms, when they wrap around your neck you feel blessed to be loved so much unconditionally. When the small twinkling eyes look at you with pride and affection and deep love, you feel being born again. When the small little hands hold your finger to take the first step of their life, it makes you feel your own journey of first steps again. The first word which addresses you makes you touch the sky. Their small talks, stories of their own fairy world, where they are the hero and you are the super hero for them, unfolds your own potential and capacity at times. All this and many more moments like these makes you a parent. But it all can be felt and lived if we apply patience as the key ingredient.

I would request all “parents and to be parents” to be patient with your child and see the magic. Pause before you react, breath before you act. It’ll not only teach your child to be patient but also will add value to your life and the moments it brings to you.

Happy Parenting!!

Keep Learning, Keep Growing

Aniruddha Pathak

Parenting & Career Coach